Watch A MILKY WAY Weakling Freak Out at Being Unable to Stop Us

Written by THEY WHO ARE THE ELDRICH MANIFESTATION OF SAPIENT DUALITY

Stellarlink. Yet another useless social media platform made by stupid weaklings destined to be torn by our rotating teeth and dissolve into nothingness, before being forgotten by the uncaring forces of time and entropy. Yet as useless and stupid as it is, it's always funny to see those short-lived morsels freaking out at our comparatively godlike technology. In the following transcript of one of their chat rooms, we attempt to ask for the thread owners' opinion on the recent call for a re-vote for the MOST HORRIFIC NATION award. Unfortunately their nation owns that chat-room and tried to ban us. Big mistake for them, as you will see.

[VIEW TRANSCRIPT]

As you (assuming you are a citizen; if you are not, GET OUT. YOU AREN'T WELCOME HERE) all can see in the transcript, the thread is an ask-me-anything that is heavily moderated, to the point that we are banned for complenting their nation as horrific. Of course, they cannot hope to ban any GOR-GON'GILLA citizen; their network security is downright awful, and we can gain kernel access to all their systems with a single message sent. Not even the CEO of Stellarlink could stop us, and we took over that stupid ELECTION-RIGGER thread!

Until, that is, she (undoutedly under duress, which is yet another win for us) offered us a five-hundred year contract that we could share the most feared news in the TERRORSPHERE in. We returned the thread...only for those stupid KREAL to lock the thread anyways, after we had agreed to stop terrorizing them. Not that we care, it's their loss.

Moral of the story, we are the first news agency to establish a branch in the MILKY WAY. Take that, competitors!